1.26 - Channel Orange
We make our way outside without any real trouble. There was a moment when they wanted to declare Daamin the new Snake Prince, but other than that we were able to pass without any issue. Kay and Daamin seem to have made up and bonded over their combined efforts to murder The Snake Prince due to jealousy. But Kai, what the fuck Kai? Kai and I still can’t look each other in the face. We move through the crowd of onlookers viewing the body of the splattered Snake Prince, finding anywhere to look besides at each other.
“Next piece of code is on the other side of the city,” Kay cheerfully walks hand and hand with Daamin.
“Cool, I’ll ride with you guys,” I follow along.
Daamin extends a hand to stop me, “sorry, we’re going to have a talk about our future.”
“Let’s go,” Kai speaks to me for the first time since he decided two mouths are better than one.
The GPS coordinates we’re given are on the complete opposite side of the city. According to game lore, it’s a rogue financial district that began when poor citizens banded together to lend each other money instead of going to banks. Even if the amounts were small, over time the district grew. Unfortunately, it’s a two hour drive even if we take the underground highway. I don’t like the idea of being alone with Kai what if he tries something else? What if he tries to hold my hand or something?
“Alright, I guess I’m driving,” Kai summons a car the resembles a Dodge Viper but much wider and higher, a luxury car with a sports car profile. The paint switches between blue, purple and pink as the sun hits it in different colors. Another of Kai’s flashy cars.
The passenger door lifts up towards the sky with Kai staring straight ahead, waiting for me to get in even after Daamin and Kay have left. I slowly sit in the seat. The door closes and the seatbelt wraps around me. I try not to flinch as he pulls off. Why would he kiss me? We could have talked about it first. We could have just killed The Snake Prince like Daamin and Kay did. There wasn’t any point to kissing me and he just did it without question. Three times, he kissed me three times. I could get past the first, that was just a kiss on the cheek. It’s normal to kiss on the cheek in lots of countries. The second, okay, heat of the moment, he thought it would be enough. But the third? Why did he put so much effort into it? He didn’t have to use his tongue on me. Why would Kai act like that?
“We’re not going to talk about what happened,” Kai asks without looking at me.
I don’t answer him, I just turn on the radio and look out the window. Some sad country song about digital memories plays. The scenery quickly changes as we enter the tunnel. Kai does the speed limit, which isn’t like him. He drives fast, extremely fast, but he’s the best driver that I know.
Kai turns off the radio, “we really need to talk.”
“I don’t have anything to talk about I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” Kai sighs.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You just kissed a man. No, you were kissed by a man and you’ve barely said a word since. It’s normal for a lot of people but I don’t think you usually go for me. So no, I don’t think you’re fine.”
“It’s you, I’m fine,” I stare at the tunnel windows.
Kai doesn’t answer for a while, “I’m sorry. I just wanted to make it believable, I didn’t expect it to go as far as we did. I should have spoken with you before I just went for it. That was wrong of me, and I hope you could forgive me. But I understand if you never want to speak with me again.”
“You couldn’t make it believable without us making out? No, you made out with me, I tried to pull away and you didn’t let me.”
“Woah,” Kai comes to a complete stop. Car horns blast as others swerve around us. “I don’t remember it that way. I initiated the kiss but that wasn’t all me.”
“You had one of your little robots shoot me then you put your tongue down my throat.”
“No. I had one of my drones shoot you, so you’d open your mouth and stop talking. You were telling The Snake Prince we kiss all the time. I initiated the kiss by shooting you and I’m sorry for that. I did it and it happened. I tried to pulled away but you were the one who took it to the next level. You even grabbed my ass. I just tried to keep the same energy after you started telling everyone I was yours and The Snake Prince couldn’t have me. You told everyone I was sexy in a skirt.”
I’ve known Kai for a long time, I know when he’s lying to me. He’s 30 but his voice still cracks when he lies, and he can’t look me in the eye either. Right now, his voice is as clear as ever and there’s nothing but honesty, and pain, in his eyes. Maybe I did kiss him back, I can’t remember. I’m sure he’s hurting right now because he’s visibly upset and on the verge of tears. I’ve never seen Kai cry, but I’ve heard him cry while we’ve played games and talked about life. I saw the streaks of tears on his face when I respawned. I know he cries a lot. I hate it when Kai cries. It makes me sad even when I haven’t done anything and there’s nothing I can do.
“I have my drones record everything, I have video if you don’t believe me.”
“You don’t have to do that. Kai, I’m sorry. I really don’t remember everything from back there. In my mind, you just went for it with everything you’ve got. But I’m looking at you right now and I can tell you aren’t lying. My emotions are swirling because of that kiss and I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know why I did what I did. I don’t know what to do next, but I don’t want to hurt you. I’d never do that intentionally.”
“I’m sorry too. I started something, and we both went too far.”
“What do we do now,” I ask as another car flies by blowing its horn.
“We should drive,” Kai takes off. “Other than that, I don’t know.”
“Are we still be friends?”
Kai holds up his wrist, “that’s what the bracelet says.”
I run my fingers along my own bracelet, “best friends forever?”
“Glad we can put this behind us,” Kai smiles.
“Great because I drank way too much.”
“Yeah, you’re not a good drinker.”
“I don’t even drink in real life,” I laugh.
“Do me a favor, promise not to start.”
“I won’t start because my memories are still a little foggy, and I swear I don’t know where Kay got a chainsaw.”
“You’re not the only one, I was completely sober, and she just came out of nowhere with it,” I’m glad she did.
We continue to joke around as if nothing happened as we keep moving, passing underground shops, casinos and everything else. It reminds me of Chicago the way there’s a group of people basically living their lives down here in tunnels. I know Kai is joking now, and I’m laughing too but I don’t know if I’m really fine. I don’t know if Kai can really be my best friend anymore. We’ve crossed a line that can’t really be uncrossed. Digital or not, I still feel his lips, firm but softer than I’d expect a man’s would be; I still remember. There’s no time for me to digest what happened, I just have to move on and put it behind me and take on whatever comes next.
