1.35 - Soy Un Parador
I’ve never been in the AutoSoft building or even half the buildings in this game. Most of the buildings I’ve entered were related to quests. I’m a quest based gamer, Daamin is the explorer, but he didn’t explore the city much. He preferred the badlands. Inside the tower isn’t exactly grand; well it is, but nothing I haven’t seen before. It reminds me of every building in every movie and game that houses a high-tech corporation. The walls are covered with monitors that display generic stock numbers and advertisements for AutoSoft.
“Expecting a fight,” Kay’s face pops up on ever screen.
“Yeah, we were,” I answer.
“Where are you baby,” Daamin shouts.
“I can’t believe this,” Kai looks at Daamin in shock. “She tried to kill us, multiple times.”
“Sorry honey, I couldn’t have you interrupting me while I prepare the final showdown.”
“What’s the deal Kay, I thought we had to fight security,” I try to get to the point.
“I’ve made some changes. You all weren’t playing the game fair. I feel like we need to stay here until some real heroes come along to beat the game.”
“Can you not be a psychopath for fifteen minutes? I know Daamin thinks you’re his manic pixie dream girl, but you’re nuts,” I throw my hands in the air.
“Don’t worry, you’ll still get to fight until your heart’s content, in space. I finally got to finish the space shuttle DLC.”
“Can you start the quest Kay,” Daamin asks lovingly.
“I’ll start the quest, but first I want to show you a video,” Kay vanishes from the screen.
A video titled “Eternal Loser,” begins to play. It starts with a clip of a baby being held by its mother in an old home with wood paneling on the walls. Someone behind the camera passes the mother a cigarette and she takes a puff. The baby coughs and the mother laughs saying, “get used to it,” before passing the cigarette back. The clip fades to black.
We’re looking at a birthday party for a ten-year-old girl. It’s obviously Kay, the face is a little different, but the eyes and blonde hair are the same. A few people sing Happy Birthday as tears gently roll down her cheeks. The camera pans around to show that nobody is at the party but the mother and a few other adults. The video stops on an image of young Kay before we hear adult Kay speak, “I realized I wasn’t popular when none of the kids in my class showed up to my birthday,” she’s speaking as if this is a documentary. “I wish I could say my life was changed after this, but it wasn’t.”
We switch to a clip of a teenaged Kay who looks to be at some kind of religious event. She’s dressed in white and seems to be reading from a religious book, but there’s no audio. “I tried Mormonism for a while in high school, hoping to find a family of my own. It turns out Mormons are not fond of women, or nonwhite people or gay people or people who aren’t Mormon. Actually, anyone who isn’t a straight white male Mormon. It didn’t last long. I won’t be getting my planet,” Kay laughs but none of us get the joke.
We switch to a clip of a punk rock band made up of teenagers. Kay plays the guitar and she’s really good at it. A boy with black hair sings a song and gives it his all. There comes a slow portion of the song, maybe they’re an emo band. The boy kisses the hand of a girl in the crowd. Kay stops playing guitar and slams it over his back before other band members drag her backstage. “Young love, I was invited to join a band. I thought the lead singer really liked me. It turns out, he only invited me because having a girl in the group made them seem cool. I showed him parts of me nobody had ever seen before. It wasn’t my last heartbreak, just the only one caught on camera.”
The next clip starts with an older Kay, maybe early twenties. She’s with a group of guys in a computer lab of sort. She’s at a dry erase board explaining what seems like the idea of Liberty and Strife. The men in the group laugh at her as she finishes. One of them throws a paper ball at her, as she chokes back tears before running out of the room. “Game development for independent studios was taking off when I was in college. I had joined a group that wanted to make a game. We were all pitching ideas, but when it came time for my turn, I struggled to get anyone to pay attention to me. When I finished, they laughed in my face. I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m a woman, and I was the only woman in the group. Well, that game went on to become Liberty and Strife.”
“Oh no guys,” Kai feigns shock. “Kay is a loser,” which causes the three of us to laugh.
Kay snaps, “you don’t know what it means to be a loser, to be ridiculed your entire life! You could never imagine what it’s like to be me,” she’s really upset but it just makes us laugh harder.
“Babe,” Daamin tries to calm her down. “We’re all a bunch of losers. I’ve got Leukemia, social anxiety, I missed a lot of big life events, and I annoy most people with pop culture references to the point that they never want to be around me. You were the first girl I’ve ever kissed, and it was in a video game,” Daamin starts to laugh. “I’m a loser too.”
“I hate my job but I won’t look for a new one because I feel like I lucked into a good position that I’m not really good enough for. Every girlfriend I’ve ever had has dumped me for being clingy or too distant. About a fourth of them cheat on me before dumping me. Do you know how much of a loser you have to be to get cheated on repeatedly and try to save the relationship? My mom keeps asking for grandkids and there are no options in the horizon,” I shrug. “People play RPGs so they can be someone else, because they hate their real lives. It’s a power fantasy, and you can do whatever. Well, that’s why I play anyway.”
“Well Kai,” Daamin asks, “are you a loser too?”
“No, I’m cool as fuck,” Kai burst into laughter, even holding his stomach. “I am extremely lonely. I backed out of so many invites that they stopped inviting me. These two are basically my only friends, and we’re just internet friends. Do you know how lonely I get when they aren’t available? I’m an adult who needs adult supervision so I don’t hurt myself. The person I’m in love with is completely oblivious. Playing these games is the only time I get to be myself, and sometimes, I’m still afraid to be myself or say what’s on my mind.”
Kay shouts with no words then stares angrily for a few seconds, “you’re all assholes for mocking me. You won’t even let me win my own damn game.”
“If you want us to feel bad for you, we won’t,” I shrug again, because I’m getting good at it. “We all know what you’re feeling because we feel it, but we don’t let it turn us into science fiction super villains.”
“Yeah we just lie to ourselves in the mirror every morning about how we’ll be winners one day and confess our feelings and have them returned by our true loves and that’ll guide us all to billions of dollars. We just keep saying our affirmations knowing one day they’ll manifest,” Kai nods at us.
“I don’t do that,” I respond.
“I don’t even know what an affirmation is,” Daamin responds.
“You’re all mocking me,” Kay shouts. “All my life people mock me. I will not be mocked in my own game. I can’t wait until you all die and burn in hell!”
“Even me baby,” Daamin asks.
“You too if you doubt me. If you want to beat the game so bad, read the drives and figure it out, but I won’t make it easy,” Kay vanishes from the screens.
“That went well,” I say.
“We didn’t get killed yet, and we found Kay,” Kai smiles.
“I told you she was going to betray us.”
