1.10 - The Big Dog
The first piece of code is about half a day’s drive according to Kay. It’s located in a place called the Mississippi Canyon. Game lore says it was previously the Mississippi River, but dried out due to global warming. We split into two cars with Kay and Kai riding together and me riding along with Daamin. We’re in agreement about beating the game, but not so much the reasons why. He’s been quiet the entire ride so far which is odd for him. I keep expecting him to tell me about SWAT Kats, Homies in Outer Space, or some other random piece of pop culture from our childhoods that I filed away in a section of things that don’t matter. There has to be something he wanted to say because he insisted I ride with him despite Kay wanting to. Despite calling her a hack and a fraud while threatening to eat her, she likes him. At least more than she likes me or Kai.
“How do you think we’ll get the code when we get here,” I try to make small talk.
“Probably something unoriginal from the movie Strange Days,” Daamin pauses. “Another cyberpunk classic.”
“I never asked, why do you know so much about movies and cartoons and everything else?”
“It’s how I learned English. My parents are immigrants from Nigeria and India. Neither speaks great English but it’s the only way the only language they both know,” Daamin goes quiet and doesn’t say more.
“I can sense you’re mad at me. Why don’t you go ahead and get it off your chest?”
“What do you know about me?”
“You’ve been playing games with us for the last three years; I know a lot about you.”
“No, you actually don’t. You know my personality. You know things I enjoy but do you really know about my life?”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”
“What do you know about my real life?”
“I know you’re twenty-six, dropped out of college and want to be a streamer but haven’t given it a shot yet. Oh, and you just told me about your parents.”
“That’s it,” Daamin shrugs.
“The passive aggressive thing isn’t you. That’s Kai’s thing. Just say what you feel. I’m a big boy, I can take it.”
“You might want to go home but everyone doesn’t have a wonderful life at home. Some of us only have real freedom in this game.”
“I don’t have a wonderful life at home.”
“Do you have Leukemia?”
“What?”
“I have Leukemia. Not the Roman Reigns kind either. I’m not that lucky. I spent most of my adult life on and off disability. I can’t work, I didn’t get the chance to finish school. I’m fucked up. This game is freedom to me. Even a nap in this game is amazing because I don’t wake up in pain. I’m 26 and I’ve had a stroke. I don’t have to worry about if my eyes are going to be working perfectly when I play this game. I could live the rest of my life in this game no matter how short it may be. You want to go home, fine, but did you think about what would happen to the game when you went home? They’re going to shut this whole thing down. I can try to find another game I love as much. But I can do so much here that I haven’t been able to. I’ve been able to devote hours to learning a skill without putting it down for six months because things got bad. I can run a business; I can travel to places that look like the real world. This game is better than real life for me,” Daamin slams his fist on the steering wheel before speeding up.
“Is it terminal,” the words leave my life without me thinking about them.
“No, but it keeps coming back. I beat it, have a few good years and it comes back. I beat it again, and it’s right back. I’m tired of fighting. I don’t have to fight anything I don’t want to here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t make me sick. There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“I know that. I don’t know how you feel going through what you do. But I feel for you, because nobody should go through that. I feel sad for you because you’re my friend. I’m sorry, because I still want to beat the game.”
“Why? I’m still going to help you because you and Kai are my friends. But, I just need to know why.”
“Because people’s lives shouldn’t be altered on the whim of a psychopath game creator. Right now, nobody has a choice of if they want to be here or not. We’re just here. If we beat the game, people can go home, but if others want to stay I’ll fight for that right,” Daamin doesn’t respond to me. “But when we get to the real world, I promise I’ll come visit you. Call you every day if you want, and I’ll make Kai do it too. You know I will,” Daamin finally gives me a slight smile.
“If I stay in the game, will you still come visit me?”
“When the PTSD wears off.”
“Fair enough.”
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